-JORDAN
A note from Jordan: There are some people in this world that are athletic. They are naturally in shape and with little to no training can become adept at pretty much anything that involves stamina, skill, fitness and/or endurance. I am not and do not pretend to be one of these people. With this in mind, you are now prepared to read the following entry about my experience at the Lake Las Vegas Triathlon.
A month or so ago, I signed up for the Lake Las Vegas Triathlon, which was held this morning. Now, given the fact that there is a brand new baby in the household and I only decided to do this race about a month before it was to take place, I had neither the time nor energy (nor athleticism) to put in the amount of training that would have been required to complete a 500 m swim, followed by a 10-mile bike ride, followed by a 3.1 mile run. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely people that can pull this off - I am simply not one of them.
I am, however, a mother freaking genius, and were my wit somehow translated to sheer athleticism, I would be reincarnated as Bryan Clay. So, you are obviously asking yourself, "How, oh how, Jordan, did your brilliance play out in this situation?"
Since you asked, I will tell you:
Instead of doing the triathlon on my own, I formed a relay team - one person would swim, I would ride the bike, and someone else would run (yes, this was allowed by the race). But, the swimmer and the runner that would be chosen at my own pleasure and discretion wouldn't be just any Tom, Dick or Harry off the street. No sir! No sir-ee Bob Dixie!
You see, my strategy throughout life (and another prime example of the mastermind that I am), has been to surround myself with superstars who, despite any mediocrity in my own performance, will ensure that whatever the finished product is, is a winner. It was no different at Ragnar, and it was no different this morning at the tri. Now, I realize that this strategy completely precludes me from earning any bragging rights that may come as a result of finishing an event such as this, which is fine. I do these things for me and not to tell people about how I did...unless they ask, in which case I fully disclose all details, good or bad.
The Team
So, I reached out to two of my very good friends at work - Katie and Matt.
Katie was a swimmer in high school; however, due to the physical enhancements which she may or may not have acquired between then and now, the hydrodynamics of her new shape were somewhat in question. These doubts were laid to rest when she did the Water District proud at the Corporate Challenge swim meet, winning various medals. Katie's interests include cheeseburgers with fried eggs on them, donuts, burritos, iced tea and swedish fish. She is also a very accomplished beer pong player. And just like that, I had a swimmer.
Matt is like 6'4", and at the risk of being judged, I will freely admit that he is likely the best looking dude I know. He was signed up to run Ragnar with Team Chasqui, but two days before the race, had to drop out due to what seemed like a sudden case of Tuberculosis...or lung cancer. Now fully recovered, he was ready to go. Matt's interests include conspiracy theories, being hot and wearing see-thru dress shirts. Like Katie, he is also a decorated beerponger.
I am 5'11.75" and my weight fluctuates from "out of shape" to "that's just gross." Obviously, when I'm in my "out of shape" stage, I perform by absolute best. I do these races so that there is constantly something on the horizon to keep working for, to keep me active, so that I can maintain that coveted "out of shape" status.
Race Day
I picked up Katie and Matt at the Las Vegas Athletic Club in Henderson at 6 am. Before even pulling out of the parking lot, Matt asked if we had two minutes to spare to pick up a coffee at Starbucks. I aplogized profusely for not having thought of that first. I mean, who wouldn't want a nice, scalding cup of joe before running a 5k?
So Matt got his coffee and the remainder of the trip to Lake Las Vegas was occupied by Katie relating the various nightmares she had had about the race, the majority of which involved her drowning, which seemed relatively probably. She literally thought she was going to die.
We got to Lake Las Vegas, parked, gathered our things from the car and began our walk to the check-in line. We had not taken five steps from the car, however, before the following exchange took place between Katie and some girl she knew from high school that was also doing the tri:
Girl from high school (from about 10 feet away): Katie? Katie!
Katie: Hey! How's it going?
Girl from high school: Good! Are you ready for this?
Katie: No, not really.
Girl from high school: Well, don't worry...I look terrible too!
...as Matt and I picked ourselves up off the ground from laughing, Katie held a short funeral for her self-esteem. It was likely the highlight of the day and a quote that will not be soon forgotten.
So we got checked in, free t-shirts and markered up. We made our way down to the Lake Las Vegas Shoreline, which was now affectionately known as "Katie's watery grave". Upon arrival at the starting line, Katie paced in anxiety, as Matt and I tried to calm her down, Matt still nursing his coffee. We received our pre-race briefing, the two men's waves took off, and then it was Katie's turn. She entered the water along with maybe 50 or so other females under the age of 34, including my sister-in-law, Heather and her sister, Bree, both of whom did the entire sprint triathlon on their own and did awesome. The bullhorn sounded and they were off. Katie had a great start and then got lost in the whitewater and flailing arms and legs of the other contestants. Matt and I took off and headed back up to the transition area for me to get ready for the cycling portion of the event.
For some reason COMPLETELY beyond my comprehension, Matt had the sudden urge to urinate, so he bailed and left me alone to prepare for my 10 mile ride. No sooner had I strapped on my cycling shoes and buckled my helmet that Katie came flying across the time pad, entering the trannie area. I wasn't really counting, but no more than 15 female swimmers could have come through before her. She did awesome.
I took the race chip from her, wrapped it around my ankle and cautiously pranced my bike up a steep, steep driveway. Upon reaching the top, I clicked in and was off. The bike course was a loop that each cyclist in the sprint category had to ride three times. It began with a long, steep, uphill climb. Even with fresh legs, this hill burned on the very first try. Knowing that I still had two more times to go up this sucker, I took it slow and steady. This climb was followed by a long, straight, long, steep, long downhill. The only pedaling I did on this decent was about five turns of a big gear to get me going. After that, it was tucked-in coasting. During one of my decents, I looked at my Cat-Eye and it said I was going 41 mph. This is the fastest I have ever gone on a bike, and it was awesome. This downhill was followed by another tough climb, a downhill and then a flat. Then it started all over again. By my third lap, I was COOKED. It turns out that the "training rides" I had been doing the month prior to the race were mere "rides" and not "training rides". I finished the cycling portion with a pretty slow (but descent) time and handed the chip to a shirtless Matt, our anchor, our star.
He took off running and it seemed like he sprinted the entire way. Katie and I walked back to the car and drove it to the finish line. Matt was finishing just as we got there. Apparently, he got confused as to where the finish line was, always thinking he was approaching it much sooner that he actually would. Wanting to finish the race strong, he was constantly sprinting toward the finish line. He just kept passing and passing and passing more and more people. It was epic.
The Results
In the end, we finished second out of seven sprint relay teams - about 2 minutes behind the first place team and almost four minutes ahead of the third place team. We should have stuck around for the medal ceremony, because we probably would have each received one. NUTS!
Oh well, nobody died and we all had a blast doing it and hopefully can do it again.
Transition Area
Matt - post-coffee; pre-run
Jordan - the dismount
The team after the race
